If I had a nickel for every time I did something stupid, the lottery would seem like a total waste of money, with such a bottomless supply of moronic behavior at hand. There are nicer ways of saying, mistake, like, faux pas. Almost sounds sexy. I know I’m having a bad day if I use that phrase three or more times. It sounds a heap better than, I’m an idiot. The unmistakable connotations leave nothing to the imagination. Leaves me wide open for ridicule too. Whereas, if I say faux pas, they forget all about what I just did, and start asking what it means, how you spell it, and where the heck I heard of such a thing.

Me: That’ll be $4,590.00….woah, for two Snickers? We’re gonna have to drop the price on those candy bars  if we want to move them before the next ice age, eh?

Customer: How much is jus’ the coke?

Me: That puppy’s only 50 cents. You don’t need the extra ass-baggage anyways… Oh wait, I’m an idiot, says here  the Snickers are only 69 cents each. What ya say we jus’ do it over?…how d’ya spell void?

Customer starts contemplating the two foot tall pile of goldie locks on my head) That hair all yours? You mus’ got a mess o’ roots all tangled up in yer head missy.

Never was much of a salesman.

Never did figure out why the cash register did that. Every once in a while, it has seizures, and makes stuff up. Then it straightens itself out and starts ringing up the real prices, right as rain. Speakin’ of, that’s what I was just wondering. Is it going to rain today? It’s dark, chilly, there’s an owl out there bellowing, and the place is quiet. Almost like I’m not supposed to be here. Weird.